So Hard

We are in a rough patch here at Hworld. First of all, hubby is completing a project at work and it's really taking a lot out of him. He's been working late, and on weekends, and he's got a bad cold on top of it all. I know we are blessed that he has a job in these times, and we are thankful, just a little worn out right now.

This kiddos are at each other's throats the last couple of days. They get home from school and are cranky and tired. They both seem to be having a hard time listening these days as well. I'm finding that it tends to run in spurts. We are definitely right smack in the center of a "spurt".

Finally, my job. Let me start off by saying that I'm enjoying my job, so don't let anything I say later in this paragraph make you think I'm not. Most people know how hard it can be to begin a new job. You don't really know what you are doing, and you make a lot of mistakes. Add that to the fact that you are dealing with people's lives and it can get a little intense sometimes. It's just so hard right now. I'm scared out of my skin about 90% of the time, and the other 10% I'm doing something wrong. I don't think that I'm doing a bad job, but I don't feel as if I'm doing a good one. I hope that makes sense, cause it's the only way to describe it. I feel like I have so much jumbled up in my head, and it's just kind of like I'm walking around in a fog right now. To add to things I really got my feelings hurt today. We are required at work to do 6 quality control checks on charts a year. Apparently my chart got pulled and the nurse wrote me up because I marked one box wrong. She said some things on the report that were not accurate upon investigation. I know this was not a personal attack. I know that she was just doing her job. I know that this is not going into my permanent record as 1. I'm an intern, and 2. This was not an accurate "write up", but it's still very discouraging. It also makes me think what other mistakes I've made that could actually hurt someone. My nurse that is training me along with my supervisor told me several times that I'm doing great, don't worry, it will come. I hope so, cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done: EVER!

Anyway, sorry for the downer, I'll try to cheer up soon!
Amy