Not Me Monday

It's that shameful time of week again. It's time to bear my naked truths so you can have a good laugh at my expense. So here goes, it's rather tragic actually! Don't forget when you are finished to pop over to MckMama's and read more fun stuff!

So this week I did not wake up every day and go looking for my children knowing full well they were at camp. I did not then talk hubby into taking me to see a chick flick since said children were away at camp!

I am not sitting here looking at Spike the dog camped out on a pile of clean laundry that is not folded, but instead sitting on the couch getting wrinkled. I am forever caught up on my laundry and NEVER have to wash several loads at the end of the week cause nobody has clean underwear!

I did not fail a mock code last night at work because I forgot to suction my baby. I can't believe I forgot to suction my baby. DUH! I did not then turn around and have to suction a real live baby.

Finally, I did not get my ears double pierced and then proceed to lie to the little 4year old girl waiting to go after me. I didn't tell her it's a piece of cake. It didn't hurt like crazy!! Nope, not a bit!! I'm what 30 something and getting my ears pierced? Oh well. Shame on me!!!!

Amy

Funny

You Know You're An L&D Nurse When...

* You can eat any food at any time of the day or night

* You can talk about vomit/blood/stool/urine while eating

* You know what G7P4A2L1 means, and your husband probably does too

* Twins aren't a miracle, they're an every day occurrence (at my hospital anyway)

* You can measure objects in centimeters with your fingers

* You've seen more vaginas than male porn stars have

* You know that Vasa Previa is not the latest fashion model in Milan

* Your bladder can hold over 1500 cc

* You know that meconium is not a newly discovered element on the periodic table

* You hear blood curdling screams and don't flinch

* You can tune out extraneous noises

* You can ascertain a heart rate in 6 seconds or less

* You know what F.L.K. stands for

* To you R.O.M. doesn’t mean range of motion

* Coffee is a major food group

* The word calm is a dirty word never to be repeated

* I call the doctor to tell him what I want not to ask what he/she wants


Amy

Well That's Interesting

Hubby called a few minutes ago and said he got the kids a present. Hmmmm, are ya working or shopping honey?

He said a guy at work's somebody or other was having an estate sale and he had a bunch of leftovers. Hubby said he had a box of knives.........

KNIVES? REALLY???? KNIVES?

Amy

Annoyed? YES!

I am a merciful person. I really truly am. I have a fair amount of patience. I am VERY understanding. I'm even pretty darn nice if I do say so myself. Last night all of these wonderful virtues I have bestowed upon myself were put to the test by a dear sweet pregnant lady.

So around 3:00 am I got a patient who thought maybe her water broke. OK, no problem. I checked her for that and the test was negative. I checked her cervix and she was not dilated. She was having an occasional contraction. So I call the doctor the get orders and of course they were to have her walk and then check her again. Done. I put her back on the monitor and she is contracting about every 2-3 minutes but not really feeling them. I decide she may just be dehydrated so I give her a TON of water to drink. She asks should she call her parents who live 5 hrs away to come. I say "I don't think you are in labor, but as long as you are contracting you will be here in the hospital". Not the answer she wanted, but the best I could do.

So a few minutes later she calls me into her room saying she just felt more fluid come out. I check and see and feel nothing on her towel. Hmmmm, maybe get up and pee?

Five minutes later again she calls and says she's really hurting could she have something for pain? Again I call the doctor for orders and get them. I start her IV and then she decides no, she doesn't want pain meds afterall. UGH!!!! By this time my shift is ending and don't forget that I have another patient who is on meds that require 15 minute checks so I'm just a tad busy at this point. AGAIN she calls out wanting her nurse again. Could I please check her again because she really needs to know if she is in labor or not. I explain to her that sometimes labor is not that obvious, that if her water is indeed broken I can't keep checking her because she could get an infection, and the doctor will come to talk to her around 7. OK, well then can I get an ultrasound or something? I really need to know if I'm gonna have this baby today!

OK, listen. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE IN LABOR! MY GUESS IS NO, BUT YOU ARE CONTRACTING. YOUR WATER IS NOT BROKEN. IF YOU ARE IN PAIN I CAN GIVE YOU SOME MEDICINE. THE DOCTOR WILL BE HERE AT 7, mkay?

Oh, okay, so about that ultrasound, and my parents are 5 hours away, and I think my pain is getting worse, and I think I may pee myself, and my goal in life is to convince my nurse I am in labor when I am not, and........

Amy

Not Me Monday

Not Me Monday time again. For more hilarious posts pop over to MckMama's blog and check out more! Until then my little post here will just have to satisfy!

I did not decide it just wasn't fair that I had to work EVERY holiday and take call off on the 4th of July. I would never take 8 hrs off unpaid, NEVER!! I did not witness hubby at said 4th of July drop a stack of frozen Bubba burgers on the ground and call 5 second rule. He didn't then slap those puppies on the grill.
Yesterday I did not sort through the mongo dirty laundry pile just to get out the kid's clothes to wash for camp. I am ALWAYS caught up on my laundry!
Last night I did not catch a baby because the doctor didn't make it in time for my poor patient to deliver 15 minutes after she arrived. I did not want to pass out on the floor when I realized I didn't have to catch that baby! I didn't almost pee my pants either!
Lastly, I am not counting the days on my calendar for the beach!!! No way, I REALLY don't want to go to the beach!!!

Amy

Just Nice

I hope a wonderful time was had by all on the 4th of July. We had a very nice time thank you very much! Here at Hworld we don't "officially" live in a neighborhood, we live on a street. On our street all the houses sit way back on the road, and most of us know each other decently well. However, Fab across the street and us started a tradition 2 years ago that has blossomed into this:

What started out as 2 smallish families simply sitting in the driveway eating frosties and watermelons has grown to several smallish to rather large families gathering together to eat burgers, hot dogs, jambalaya, baked beans, pasta salad, macaroni salad, chips, salsa, deviled eggs, watermelon, million dollar pie, chocolate eclair cake, frosties, and some other stuff. After the food we did this:

Finally at dark we sat in OUR driveway and watched an awesome fireworks display put on by a local church. The weather was great.... not hot at all. The kids had bikes and skateboards to ride, a trampoline to jump on, and 25 acres to run around on and play hide and seek. People ate when the were hungry, used to bathroom in nice clean bathrooms, and we even had a sink to wash our hands in!! The best part? NO TRAFFIC afterwards! We cleaned up and went to bed. It was simply NICE!!

Amy

Get your Kleenex

I snagged this off hubby's blog, but loved it so much I wanted to share it with those of you that may not follow his blog.

Will you give this to my Daddy? As a Company, Southwest Airlines is going to support 'Red Fridays.' Last week I was in Atlanta, Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen. Moving through the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering. When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families. Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal. Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi.' The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her. The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her Daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek. The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up. When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second.. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it. After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.' The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event. As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek. We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families, and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

Amy