Life as it Stands

Life. Well, let's just say we are living, and trying our very best to get through each day with at least a smile. Grandpa is missed. We are so very sad he is gone. I am definitely dealing with some anger issues at how things were handled while he was sick.
I am a medical professional and I guess maybe that makes things harder. I have high standards and when they are not met I tend to get angry. Hubby kept telling me "Amy, you have to quit looking at this as a nurse, and look at it as a daughter instead". Well, that sounds great but when you see your dad suffering and you know what is wrong before the doctor's do, it gets a little frustrating. Now I know the outcome would not have changed. I know my dad was going to die. What upsets me though is that perhaps maybe he would have suffered a little less. I know, there is no point going through the what ifs, guess it's just human nature.


My mom is visiting for the week and I am so glad to have her here. When did I start worrying about her so? I do worry. I wish I could just make all her hurt go away. I am finding that I have to rely on the Lord to heal her heart. I just can't stand knowing she has to be sad right now. She has to be lonely right now. She has to be angry right now. I know that, but I don't have to like it!

Some good news. I am done with the night shift. I get to go to bed every night!! I no longer have to spend my days off recovering from the overwhelming exhaustion of staying awake 3 nights in a row and only sleeping for a few broken hours during the day. I am so excited!! I am nervous though. The day shift has such a fast pace! They are so much busier, but a different kind of busy. It will be nice not to have worry about waking up doctor's in the middle of the night. It will be really nice to know that when I have an emergency I will have a doctor close by. I will miss my night crew girls though. We have a great time, and the team work is amazing. I am looking forward to the normalcy though!

Summer is clicking along. I cannot believe DQ will be in middle school! Where does the time go??? Oh my heart hurts at the though of it!

Amy

February 12,1945 - June 6,2010

Dad,
While I believe in my heart you are with Jesus, healed and no longer hurting, I miss you and I am sad you are gone. I had so much I wanted to say to you and I never said it.
I am thankful you are not in pain anymore. I am thankful that you have been spared the pain of losing someone you love. I am thankful that Jesus is real and full of grace.
I am angry that you left. I am angry that you got so sick so fast. I am angry at your doctors. I am angry that this hurts so much. I never thought it would hurt this much.
Dad, while we were so different, we are so alike. I find myself saying things you said all the time. I have your temper. I have your eyes.
I miss you dad.
Amy