As I'm sitting here looking out the window I still see brown grass and trees with no leaves. I still see cold wind and grey skies. That's the back yard. In the front yard I see a bit of sunshine. I see colorful flowers popping up in my neighbors flower bed. I see a bicycle lying in the front yard. Isn't it funny how one side of my house can look so dim and bleak and the other side so bright and full of promise?
Sometimes I feel that way too. One day I'm feeling refreshed and ready to face the world. Other days I'm just tired. Today I'm just tired. I feel bleak. I feel grey. Nothing major is going on in my life. Just all the little stuff adding up. Ever feel that way?
I got a phone call from a lady I know today. I chose not to answer the phone. I know what she's calling about. I don't want to hear it. I know that isn't very fair of me. Maybe she just wanted to say hello, but to be honest I just don't want her oppression today. Is that wrong of me? Do you ever feel like you are being pulled down by the world around you? I certainly do.
I know that as a child of God I am called to minister to the world around me. I am to be a light to a lost and dying world. Lord forgive me, but sometimes I just don't have the strength. I am human and very fallible. I am weak and selfish. I am discouraged at times and other times just angry. Today is one of those days.
Hubby and I are working very hard on making some changes in our life. We used to be poor. Not poverty stricken by most standards, but on more than one occasion we wondered where our next meal was coming from. We are not poor any longer. We make a decent living, have a nice house, drive nice cars, and manage to pay our bills with a bit left over. We don't have much, but it seems like so much compared to what we used to have. We used to say to each other.. "if God ever chooses to bless us with a home of our own, and the ability to pay our own bills, we will glorify Him". Well we haven't and I am ashamed of that. We have chosen to buy a very nice car when a lesser one would have done just fine. We have chosen to get DQ a puppy when we knew darn well that puppy would cost a lot of money to maintain. We have chosen to get satellite tv when playing outside and reading a book would have entertained us. I could go on and on but you get the picture. Because of our choices I am sad. Not because we are broke, we are not. Do we struggle? Sure. Do we have to struggle? No. Did we make all bad choices? Of course not. What we didn't do however was consult with God first. We have made our choices on our own, and now I'm tired. I look around my home and have so many ideas to make it beautiful. I look in my closet and wish I had better clothes. I look at my bank account and wish it had bigger numbers. Do I look at my walk with God and long for a closer relationship with Him?
I called hubby today so frustrated because I was trying to get a nap and the phone kept ringing. I was frustrated because I am tired and I want a nap, but the world wants to bombard me with it's problems. I have my own problems and didn't want to deal with anyone else's. How would that reaction hurt me if someone felt that way towards me? It would hurt me. I really truly am so very tired. I really truly am going through struggles of my very own. But God promises He will not give us a burden too great to bear. The thing is though we cannot bear any burdens on our own no matter how light or heavy they may be. God gave us other people to lean on. He gave us His word to stand firm on. Now just to take that step.... wow I'm tired.
Amy
The Big Boo Cast, Episode 421
2 days ago
